it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
