How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
