dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
