): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
