yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
