I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
