We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
