This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize