a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
