Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
