Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
