it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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