HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
