he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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