so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
