And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
