He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize