I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
