is your mom at the bar?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
