the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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