Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
