The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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