so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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