the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
