look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
