You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
