Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's always time for handjobs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
