He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
