plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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