and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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