I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
