I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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