So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
