Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You pole danced in your parka.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I love you.
Bad choice
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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