just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
