Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
