Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
