My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize