Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
