in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
