Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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