Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
