I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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