there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize