I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
