but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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