plz talk dirty to me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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