Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
