Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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