my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
