Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
