I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
