oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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