Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
