Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
