how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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