Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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