aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
