ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
