"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
