I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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