I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
