that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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