I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
