I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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