so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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