My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
