i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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