so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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