They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
