I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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