Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
