I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
