I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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