; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
