take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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