I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
