I heard we made out
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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