She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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