i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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