I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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