And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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