Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize