i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
