I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
