About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sext me about skeletons
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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