I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
