My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
