Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
