Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
