I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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