god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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