Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
