I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
