not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
