Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
