He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
