We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
