If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize