so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
