Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
