Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
false alarm, still single
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