wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
