I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
