Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize