I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
