I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
