I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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