fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
