i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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