I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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