her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
