I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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