VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
