I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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