there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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